Sometimes I Feel Like I’m Not Good Enough

what do i feel like when nobody’s watching?

behind closed doors 

i feel like i’m the only one who can understand me

maybe <redacted>

surely <redacted>

but that’s sort of it

understanding doesn’t equate to love though 

i love many people, but that doesn’t mean we have understanding for each other

we just think differently

and i think higher

but is that immoral 

to think that my thoughts are superior 

sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough

and i know that most people do

so me saying that has less weight to it

but i still don’t understand why

why can’t people just have problems

why is it a competition

a race

sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough

my body too tall

my chin too plump

my music too complicated

my poetry too shallow

my facial hair too present

my fashion too boring

my skin too red

my everything 

too everything that i don’t want it to be

but on the days i feel enough

substantial

on the days i feel everything

my everything is epitomized 

the pinnacle of who i can be

but allowing room for change

because change is constant

but everything isn’t 

i lie awake while my three friends are asleep

staring at the ceiling 

should i go outside

i don’t want to wake them up

i lay almost lifeless 

but my mind filled

with enough post it notes to cover a mural

but instead of reading them

i just sit and stare blankly

sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough

sometimes i feel alone

and sometimes

i feel too hopeless to be here