You Set Me Back

i am no longer able to say i love you

to do the little things

to hug

to console

to tell that everything will be fine

i am no longer able

to pick up little things at the flea market

or the grocery store

to gift as a direct portrayal

of my undying love

i am no longer able to be touched

my hand can’t be held

my existence can’t be discussed

with anyone besides myself

and the ways i cope

i am no longer able to be vulnerable

to open up easily

to be the open book that you would always read

the poem you wrote and burned

with the ashes left to be vacuumed up

i so desperately want to be mad

i’m not mad

because all you did was tell your truth

you weren’t lying to me

so i don’t know if this is a self-realization

or a traumatic one-sided experience

that i just happened to be the end of

so as my pupils flow like sewer pipes

and i am lit like a wick

i try to stay calm in remembering

that i may never have to see you again

both my worst nightmare and greatest gift

i want to say i love you still

but you set me back